Remember the Alamo (Legacy Book 1) Page 4

  “How can I do that? With debt hangin’ over me? I’m still livin’ in his shadow, and the man is in a jar on the mantel.”

  Another refill and the debt started to seem less important, and so did his father’s ultimate selfishness. What was becoming more important was the way Leo kept looking at him. Those dark eyes, cast in his direction, staring into his so deeply, Mac felt naked and invaded, laid out like a corpse on a mortician’s slab.

  “Are you analyzin’ again? I thought we decided not to do that.”

  “I’ve no need of it now. I’ve figured out enough.”

  “Oh,” he laughed, taking another swallow of the brandy. “What do you see?”

  Leo set his glass down gently, weaving his fingers together while resting his chin on them. Not for a second did his eyes leave Mac’s. “Oh, a lot. All of it good, some a little sad. One thing I do know, Mac, is that I’m glad I met you.”

  “You do, huh?”

  “Yeah, and I want to help. I mean, I know there will be no commission for me, obviously, but I would like to point you in a few directions before you shake me loose.”

  Mac’s eyes left his and stared at the rim of his glass, a yellow light shining there from above their heads. The liquor did let his tongue go on where his sober brain would be able to stop. “As much as I like havin’ you ‘round, Leo…I don’t take charity. I’ll pay ya for yer time, but you should be on yer way tomorra.”

  “You don’t have the money to pay me for my time, Mac, and it’s not charity. I’m an interested party. I’d like to see this place come to something besides a pit of misery and racism. You’re the only one that can do that now. If I can give a little advice, help out in some way, that’s not exactly a salaried position. It’s…it’s being a friend. I’d like to be a friend to you, Mac.”

  Slowly he drug his eyes upward again, absolutely knowing he’d see humor or deceit, but all he saw when his eyes took in Leo’s handsome face was sincerity. “I ‘preciate that, I do, but-”

  “No buts. It’s settled. I can see the stubborn streak in you, buried under all that submissiveness, but I guarantee I’m more obstinate than you can imagine. I’ll simply park outside the fence and intrude whenever I feel the need. I’m a real asshole like that.”

  “That, I believe.”

  Getting drunk wasn’t his thing at all, but that night, he couldn’t stop himself from overindulging. Leo helped him into the house and to bed, and Mac could only remember one thing from the rest of the night. The deep desire to ask Leo to stay with him. The words weren’t spoken, but he had held Leo’s hand in his as he lay on his father’s bed, staring up, blurry-eyed. It passed between them, something akin to understanding, but Leo had simply kissed the back of his hand and let it fall to the sheet.

  In the morning, his head was still fuzzy, but he had better control of his emotions. Leo came in, cussing him. “You owe me a bottle of brandy.”

  “I pay my debts, Mr. Glover, though you drank half, so I only owe ya half of an already open bottle.”

  Sitting at the table, making grabby hands at the cup of coffee Mac had poured for him, he whined, “You made me drink.”

  “Yeah, I twisted yer arm, all right.”

  He handed Leo the cup and sat across the table from him, ready to say his piece. Agreeing to let Leo stay around, he wasn’t sure if he wanted the help or if he was more afraid of never seeing him again. “I…I want you to stay. I’m not lettin’ ya do more’n what’s necessary, or what ya want. I don’t take-”

  “Charity, so you’ve said,” he grumbled, then slurped the hot, strong coffee. His voice was rough that morning, gravely, and Mac found that it pointed and shot right into his crotch.

  “Right.” Mac felt good despite the nagging dull headache, and he knew it was all because of Leo. It became more apparent that the reason he wanted him there was not for the help so much as for the company. His company.

  “I have some ideas for you, but first, I need to finish seeing what we’re up against. Drop me at the office again, and when you’re finished with doing your cowboy thing, swing by and we’ll talk about options.”

  “Sounds good.”

  The hardest part of the morning came after he’d dropped Leo off at the office. He’d called Teddy and had him round up the boys at the main bunkhouse to have a meeting with them. Once he walked in to the small kitchen area, the men gathered around the one long table, he felt his throat start to close.

  Teddy got up and shook his hand, welcoming him in that sweet way Teddy had, hat in hand, nodding to him. “Morning, boss. We’re all here.”

  “I see that, thanks, Teddy.”

  The eyes of the men who’d sweat and bled the land as much or more than he or his daddy had watched him as he squirmed while he stood at the head of the table. What he had to say wasn’t easy, and he was embarrassed on top of that.

  “Boys, we’re in some shit. Deep shit. I gotta…I gotta let ya go. Another rancher is comin’ for the cattle and most of the equipment. Seems my daddy sold if off to take care of some debts. I’m gonna ask if he needs some good, hardworking hands. I’ll ask ‘round the area if anyone needs hands. Whatever it takes, but I got some money, I can give y’all enough to make it a bit before you find another job.”

  Not one set of eyes left him, and there were a couple nods as they listened through his speech. Teddy got up from his seat, slapping him on the back as he told the others, “You ready to get to work?”

  At once, they all stood and got their hats from the table, smacking them on their heads, some moving past him, others waiting for their turns to do that. Confused, Mac didn’t have to words to stop him, but Teddy solved that. “Mac, we ain’t leavin’ ‘til the job’s done. Once the cattle are gone and you figure out what’s what, we’ll go. Don’t worry ‘bout us.”

  They all filed out the door, and once it closed, the sunlight cut off, Mac was left to wonder what had happened. He didn’t figure Leo told them anything, but it most likely wasn’t hard to guess, with the somber, dark cloud over the place in recent weeks.

  Mac huffed, knowing he had his own work to do and set to it.

  Chapter Five

  Lunch time found him heading inside the office, but once through the door, he stopped cold. All over the floor and every surface were papers, folders, and boxes. “What the Sam Hill?”

  “There are no women or children here, cowboy. You can say ‘what the fuck’. In fact, say it two hundred times, and you will be close to catching up to my record for the day.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  Stepping over a pile of folders, he made his way carefully to the desk to see Leo’s head poking up out behind high stacks on the surface. “That bad.”

  Moving a stack so he could see Leo’s face, Mac thought to apologize, but he was sick of hearing himself sorry, so he turned it around to, “I can help, if you like, or we can go eat.”

  “Food is a luxury I don’t think I’ll have the time for, for two or three days.”

  All Mac could think was how adorable he looked, a round spot of dust across his nose, fingers blue from ink, bottom lip swollen from chewing on it. “Now, stop that. You gotta eat. Shan would take a switch to me if I sent her friend back home spindly and malnourished.”

  Finally, Leo looked up at him from the papers that were stacked on his lap. “Wouldn’t want that.” Sighing loudly, he gave, “Quick bite, then back here. Promise?”

  “Swear on my horse.”

  They rode to the house together on the four-wheeler, then Mac made them turkey sandwiches and piled on potato chips beside them on the plates. He sat as he reached Leo’s over to him, setting it down as Leo finished drinking half of the tea Mac had poured him. “Damn, that’s good. I thought all you southern boys drank it sweet.”

  “Not this one. Can’t stand all that sugar in my tea. Don’t tell the neighbors, they’d think I’m a closet yank.”

  “My lips are sealed.” Leo studied him as he chewed a bite of the sandwich, and Mac tried to ig
nore the steady gaze.

  “What?” he finally asked, annoyed.

  “How many around here know about you? Your sexuality?”

  The question wasn’t out of the blue, he’d guessed, but it was intrusive. “None of ‘em I know ‘bout. Why?”

  “Huh? Oh, no reason. When I thought you’d move, well, it wasn’t an issue. Staying here, will it be one?”

  “An issue?”

  Leo nodded while he chewed.

  That was the thing, he’d never thought of it. Not once considered letting it get out. Suddenly his appetite waned, and he pushed his plate away.

  “Mac, I didn’t mean to upset you. Like I said, I’m terrible at keeping my opinions and thoughts to myself. I really want to be your friend, but I’m bad at knowing that line when I’m crossing it.”

  “Nah, don’t fret on it. I should know that answer. I should think about it. If I gotta stay here, I should think on it.”

  Leo’s shoulders fell, and he looked defeated. “I wish I could say you didn’t have to stay here. I want to find a magic get-out-of-hear card for you.”

  “It’s not your problem, Leo. Friend or not. It’s my responsibility, my debt.”

  His plate was slid to the side and he leaned on the table, another long moment of reading him. “Honorable men are hard to find, Mr. Blaylock. This wasn’t your debt, and a lot of men would throw up their hands, leaving it to the creditors to squabble over.”

  “Maybe they’re hard to find, but they exist. I ain’t sayin’ I’m one of ‘em. Like it or not, this would chase me to my dyin’ day.”

  “I don’t get you, Mac. You’re a good man, you’re gorgeous, thoughtful, but you don’t know any of that. If I can help you with anything, I hope it’s getting you to know what an incredible person you are.”

  Mac ducked his head and cleared his throat but didn’t want to sound too humble or to put himself down, like he tended to do. All Leo needed was a little prodding to start with his over-the-top tips of life. “I’m okay, Leo. I’ll figure it all out. No need for a new friend to worry over me.”

  The word friend being tossed around so much, and it was beating up Mac’s heart a little, though he didn’t know why.

  When they got back to the office, and Mac followed Leo, stepping over the piles, Leo informed him, “I do have one bit of good news.” Pointing at a stack of folders on the leather chair, he said, “Those are the ranch taxes. He kept up on them, by the skin of his teeth.”

  “That’s a surprise. He hated paying taxes, bitched from the first of January until the middle of April.”

  “No shock there, not many don’t complain about it, me included.” He moved a box from the corner of the desk and sat there with one foot on the floor to balance him. “So, we brainstorm. You can sell off the entire southern half of the property, all where the cotton fields were, and that would be a good start to pay the mortgage on the rest of it. The credit cards, we can wheel and deal with the companies to get the debt down some and curtail the payments to be a little more manageable.”

  “I ‘preciate it, Leo. I wish I didn’t need yer help. I wish…oh I guess I wish lots of things.” One of them being they could be more than friends, but that didn’t seem in the cards.

  That thought changed later that evening as he was giving Leo a ride back to the house and his camper. Leo’s warm hands held his sides under his denim jacket, his body pressed against Mac’s back, each little bump moving him closer.

  The feelings he was starting to have for Leo didn’t make a lot of sense to him. He figured it was finally getting to know another gay man that was doing it. Any other time, he’d meet up with a guy, have a few hours of fun and go back to his life. There was no way he could afford more when his daddy was alive, and the area he lived in wouldn’t keep his secret.

  No, he’d have to travel to one of the cities to assure privacy. There were a couple that asked for a second date, but he’d begged off, worried he’d have feelings he couldn’t act on.

  Leo, though, his smile, his mind, body and voice, everything about him made Mac a little loopy. When they were close, like that, the simple act of riding on the four-wheeler made him imagine what it would be like to be closer still, in bed, kissing, touching, no clothes to shield the heat of Leo’s hands from Mac’s wanton flesh.

  The crotch of his pants tightened, and he didn’t shift on the seat, afraid of ratting himself out to Leo. He tried to think of other things so when they arrived home, and he had to climb off, he wouldn’t out himself as aroused.

  There was no worry about that. As soon as they stopped, Leo jumped off, telling him, “I’m going to get changed out of these dusty clothes before dinner. Meet you inside.”

  “Sure thing,” he called back, then exhaled a nervous laugh.

  Grabbing his nuts and tugging until it hurt, he hoped that would help him lose the hard on, and he did, as soon as he got inside, and his mind wasn’t directly on Leo. Laughing at himself, he got a fast meal of hamburgers and fries together and Leo came in, his phone to his ear as he waved to Mac.

  “Good, great, talk soon,” he said to whoever he was speaking to, and ended the call with a sniff. “Smells good, Mac, but are you trying to get me fat? I haven’t had this much red meat in years.”

  “You’re on a ranch, Leo,” he reminded, setting their plates down and taking his seat. “We…I guess it’s not we now. I have a freezer full. I can at least save a few bucks that way.”

  “I’m not really complaining, this is good. Fresh, for being frozen, I guess.”

  They ate in relative silence. Again, he tried to catch glances at Leo without him knowing, but Leo’s eyes were always on him when he tried. He felt like a kid with a crush, but it warmed his belly when he saw he was being watched. Uncomfortable and warm, that was.

  “Still tryin’ to figure me out, or how to save me?”

  “You have a dimple on one cheek when you smile sometimes. Not every smile, but some of them.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  He was laughing, and Leo joined, admitting, “Not sure myself. Maybe it’s when your guard is down, which isn’t often.”

  As he helped Mac with the dishes, he was close again, their arms brushing, the heat between them rising. Mac wanted to turn to him, be bold, kiss him, but he wasn’t confident that way. Maybe in any way.

  “If you dry, I’ll open us a couple of beers and we can watch some T.V.”

  Leo grabbed the tea towel from him and made the deal with an amendment. “A fast one. I’ve got a long day ahead tomorrow. Speaking of which, is it okay if I borrowed one of the other four-wheelers? I need a little mobility tomorrow.”

  He didn’t know what he thought would happen, but if Leo had to duck out early, it was obvious nothing would happen. Disappointed but striving to be upbeat, he said, “Sure. No problem. In fact, take the one I use. The new owner is coming for all the rest except for that one and another that Teddy needs. I’ll take my horse, she could use the exercise.”

  “Great. Thanks.”

  They drank a beer together and watched a sitcom before Leo bid him goodnight and left for his camper trailer. Mac turned off the lights and washed up before he fell into his bed with everything on except his boots.

  One arm behind his head to raise it off the bed, he stared off in the darkness of the room, wondering what he was doing wrong, if anything. He was no Casanova, no great romantic or player. The only reason he got the guys he did was from an app on his phone, and before that it had been a discrete dating site that was less for dating and more for hookups.

  Without knowing how to play the game, he’d always end up the loser. Not that it mattered much. Even with his father dead, there wasn’t much hope of having a real relationship. The families that lived in the area were there almost as long as his had been. The old ways ran deep with them, Christians the bunch, thumping their bibles each Sunday after whooping it up at the honky tonks the night before.

  If they knew he was gay, and openly dating a man, the
y’d turn their backs on him, and he’d be alone in the world, more than he already was.

  The next morning, he didn’t see Leo. He drank his coffee alone in the kitchen, got his horse saddled and set out to look over the rounding up of the cattle. To see them go, all the cattle, it would be like a knife in the heart, and he wished Leo could be there to help him deal with it.

  Not that he thought Leo was a shrink, but his presence helped Mac to be able to put things in perspective. Plus, he did something to Mac, made him feel like he wasn’t just a dumbass who was living off his family’s legacy. All his life, he’d done that, and he was tired, dreaming of being his own man, with his own life and plans.

  The equipment was gone before noon, several flatbeds rolling in like an invasion, rumbling the ground, spooking the horses. With a heavy weight on his chest, he watched it all go, the tractor he’d ridden when he was two, on his father’s lap with his mother watching close by, hand on her throat with the unease it caused her. He’d heard that story a hundred times. The other ATVs, branding and tagging equipment, inseminating equipment too. Everything that made a ranch a ranch.

  He dragged himself back to the house that evening, spent, tired, and on edge. There was a note on the door from Leo that he was grabbing dinner in town, he was tracking down some leads. What leads, Mac couldn’t fathom, and he found he didn’t care.

  The bed was hard as a rock, or maybe it was the tension in his body. He didn’t sleep much, and the morning was worse, alone in his kitchen, no sign of Leo. For a friend, just a friend, he sure wasn’t there when Mac needed him most.

  Just a friend. What did they say on television, when a girl didn’t want to hook up with the boy chasing after her? Friend zone. Leo had placed Mac in the friend zone.

  That evening, Leo had some bad news for him. “I’ve been collecting the mail, Mac. You gave me permission to open the things having to do with the ranch, and I swear, I’ve stuck to that.”

  Mac knew all that, and figured he was stalling the bad news. “Go on with it, Leo.”